Dance Monkey: Ripps McCoxen
By Sara Faith Alterman
The Boston Phoenix, January 15, 2009

Andrew Dice Clay was this week's subject, but he hung up on me. How does it feel to be second fiddle?

I ain't no band geek, so I try not to know too much about fiddles. As for this Dice guy, he likes to go sleeveless, which I respect. Two things we don't need in this world: sleeves and JV sports. Sorry to hear about the Lice Man hanging up on you. I wouldn't do that to you. I mean, you got a good face. Overall, you're very prom-worthy. If this out-of-shape, Fonzie-faced giggle maker wants to dump you, I'll pick you right up.

Do you think Dice can bench-press as much as you can?
Dice couldn't even bench-press a whisper.

Who would win a Ripps/Dice forearm-a-thon?
My guns can't be competed against. My guns could wreck a prom. 1987 Fitchburg prom: wiped out by my guns. I mean, when I hold up my gun and flex, people often confuse it for Cape Cod. It's a real problem.

How many mattresses do you plow through annually?
Listen to me, Sara Face Alternative, I would need a varsity team of 102 math-club geeks plucking away at their abacuses for 84 weeks to calculate that number. I go through lots of mattresses because I like to stuff them with rocks and whip them into quarries. It's a good workout. You want to know how many broads I go out with in a year? Here's a simple equation for you: # of broads in a year = # of proms I attend in a year = A HUGE NUMBER!

RIPPS MCCOXEN (A/K/A CHRIS COXEN) | Mottley's Comedy Club, Boston | February 13-14 at 8 pm | 877.548.3237 or www.mottleyscomedy.com | ANDREW DICE CLAY | Wilbur Theatre, Boston | January 17 at 9:45 pm | 617.931.2000 or www.thewilburtheatre.com